Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Cash + Utah politics = great blogfodder!

Taking a cue from Larry Flynt, we have decided to spice up Utah politics by waving around some cold, hard cash. (Flynt recently posted a full-page ad in the Washington Post offering $1 million for proof of sexual encounters with high-ranking government officials. As of Tuesday, Flynt said he had received 76 responses, of which he expects 10 to be verified.) Flynt's ad scored coverage on every major news channel, which got us thinking . . . why not Utah?

Voice of Utah will give one hundred dollars -- that's right, one shiny green Ben Franklin, two Ulysses S. Grants, five Andrew Jacksons, ten Alexander Hamiltons, fifty Thomas Jeffersons, one hundred George Washingtons -- for the first person to provide proof of an illicit naughty encounter with . . . hmm . . . who should it be? How about . . . Sen. Chris Buttars (R-West Jordan)! Yeah! Send your irrefutable proof -- no photos please -- and all requests for interviews and press conferences to VoiceofUtah@yahoo.com. (One entry per person, please. Contest not open to Sen. Chris Buttars.)

How can we afford this hard hitting, cash-based journalism? We plan to make back our $100 the way Grandma would have -- with gambling. (Rep. Sandstrom, please turn away, lest you turn to stone.) For you high rollers out there, we are now taking bets on what Sen. Orrin Hatch will do when the Habeas Corpus Restoration Act of 2007 comes before the Senate Judiciary Committee this week. In the interest of full disclosure, we should mention that blogger Misty Fowler thinks there might be a remote chance that Hatch has not already irrevocably decided to kiss President Bush on the lips on this issue. Fowler's recent post on the Daily Kos asks constituents to contact Hatch at
Phone: (202) 224-5251
Fax: (202) 224-6331
Email: http://hatch.senate.gov/
and urge him to Just Say No to imprisoning people for half a decade without a trial. It's a tough call, but after a thorough analysis of all factors using state-of-the-art BCS technology, we have decided to take the side that Hatch will vote against -- that's against -- restoring basic habeas corpus rights to prisoners at Guantanamo. We're putting our money where our mouth is: We've got $5 (one Abe, two and a half Tommies, five Georges) that says Hatch votes No on the Habeas Corpus Restoration Act of 2007. Hurry up and get your bets in; this baby is hotter than Spurs/Cavaliers.

2 comments:

Misty said...

I can't find the vote record yet, but The Nation is reporting that it passed the Judiciary Committee by a vote of 11 to 8.

P.S. You make me sound like a Nutcake or something! :-P

Voice of Utah said...

Not a nutcake (although Hatch has made that a badge of honor), just a nice, not-completely-cynical optimist. I remember those days... I haven't seen the vote yet, either, but the Washington Times says the only Republican to vote for it was Specter. Typical Hatch.